Jasmine Cunningham

A Challenge in More Ways than One

When I decided to take on this challenge, I knew it was going to be hard work. After having my first run at 04:30 in the morning a couple weeks ago, it was made apparent to me that this was going to be a LONG journey for me. Both physically and mentally. 

Growing up I was an outgoing, sport loving person that was up for a physical challenge and working as part of a team. Over time the flame began to die out. 

My mental health began to dominate my life and took control of a lot of things. I went through peaks and troughs in terms of my physical activity, but at times things had become obsessive and habits became unhealthy. 

My physical appearance became an obsession, and upon reflection I experienced symptoms close to BDD. Not eating but exercising intensely, wearing waist trainers upon waist trainers at the age of 13, all the while I thought this behaviour was okay.

Then I was done with education and entered adult life and left behind a part of me I once enjoyed. I tried to get back into it by considering joining sports clubs or attending the gym to keep up my fitness, but at this point my anxiety was crippling and dragged me away from countless social opportunities and completely took over along with many other aspects of my life.

I continue to struggle with this but want to push myself and persevere especially for a cause such as this and hope to be supported along the way as this is not going to be easy…but I’m sure it will be worth it in the end.

Rerouting The Pain

The thoughts whirling around in my head, unfortunately did not cease and images of how I would exit this life infiltrated my mind. However, a sliver of light crept through and pulled me from the ledge. The thought of my family, the people I care deeply for, I would not want to cause them any pain.

But I remained with an internal pain I could not stomach. So, I resulted in taking that internal pain and replaced it with a physical outlet. Marking myself gave me control of the pain I was to feel. On my terms. It was my own little secret. No one was to know. I did not wish to burden them…

Forecast - Grey Clouds

Throughout the years I have come to learn that my mental health is a very important part of my wellbeing. Unfortunately, at times it was difficult to prioritise my mental health and so I had often found myself in a dark pit that I couldn’t get out of.

I had first acknowledged my mental health and had faced struggles with it at the age of 14. Being a teenage girl already comes with its complications, balancing the drama of going through changes and becoming more self-conscious, alongside upcoming exams and thinking about what I want to achieve and become, it felt like a lot to have on one girl's plate.

After what would be considered a childhood heartbreak, I began to question my self-worth. Thoughts of not being good enough and questioning what was wrong with me, circled my mind like vultures. This event sent me on a dark path, and I struggled to find the light in any situation.

The emotional pain I struggled to endure led me to thoughts I was afraid to have. I simply did not want to feel anymore and pondered on how I could make it stop…

Over the months leading up to the LLHM I will be sharing aspects of my mental health journey with you all. In the meantime, please sponsor me and help me reach my target!